On my journey trying to grab and save some lights for the future, I knew I have screwed moments I fight for and blabber unimportant things to you when I shouldn't. Sometimes I'll mention from-no-where information just to keep the conversations going. Sometimes I stick to some point until you got bored with it and next thing I know I talked and talked about other things I caught on while we were in the car, or at the beach, or when we go to the cinema, or while we were having our coffee, or while you're slurping the hot soup in front and me were busy munching pastas.
Or while we were eating cake.
All these may won't be the same anymore. 070114, Manchester
I've been meeting many people in 2016. From different background, interests and many more. I went farther out of my circles because well, some of the circles decided to throw me out too. Went extra miles on helping a few dear friends during their moving phases but then some decided to drifted away too. Restless and breathless.
Ada benda yang aku sebenarnya sampai sekarang boleh je cakap belum redha sepenuhnya, tapi sebab dikurniakan manusia-manusia baik yang menetap je dengan jiwa aku yang rapuh rabak kacau masa tu, aku sangat bersyukur. Bertuah bila dapat kawan-kawan yang duk pesan;
"Letgo je. Letgo. Ko simpan nak marah tak puas hati lama pun apa boleh dapat. Letgo je. Biar."
Must have been deleting every memories that have contributed to my heart breaks part by part during the recovery phases. I no longer care too much about those who left. Though well, I still do care about them. I just believe when people decided to leave, they must have got better choices ahead. Be it.
I have always been the one who stay. Still want to be that person. It's just that the heart is a lot calmer and rational. So I believe I am more prepared to face whatever challenges await.
Sekali sekala pura-pura dah cukup kuat apa salahnya. Haha. Ha.
Tak ada entri tajuk sama nombor satu pun aku rasa sebenarnya. Cuma aku pernah tulis perihal penat hal ni kat sini.
Merujuk kepada entri tu juga, aku dah dermakan lebih sepuluh ekor binatang berbulu dan anak patung yang aku duk simpan, simpan tu kepada yang lebih memerlukan untuk buat teman tidur, menangis, lap air liur basi, nak tumpahkan susu dan sebagainya waktu balik kampung seminggu bulan Disember. Masa nak hulur tu hampir juga berlaku sesi tarik menarik teddy bear yang aku dapat masa belajar di UniKL MFI. Alhamdulillah dapat bertukar tangan dengan jaya.
Aku masih tak boleh buat tak endah kat orang sebenarnya. I just care too much. Memang tak boleh nak ubah. Hati tisu pun lantaklah. Biar jadi penyayang selamanya. Penyayang yang berhati tabah. Amboi kemain.
I'm just here. Yang mana rasa baru nak berkawan ke apa ke, jom la berkopi ke ngeteh ke. I'm here. Will always be.
Sebulan lagi umur aku kalau ditambah dua angka tu, akan jadi 10. 1 + 0 pula jadi 1. Wow, still young. Okay enough merapu. Daa.
Forgive me of my sins from today, the days before and the days after. Protect us from the torture of hellfire. Protect us from the disaster of today, days before and days after. Dear God, may this be the greatest decision I have ever made, for the people I love, even when they themselves could not see the good in it yet. Guide me God. Don't let me went astray. Hold me God. Don't ever let me fall. Catch me God. If I fail and fell, really please catch me and put me back on the grant. Allow me to be among the humble ones. Allow me to work toward my dreams. Allow me to do what I really need to do. Grant me great health and give me time God. There's so much I want to do. There're so many hearts, souls and lives to be saved. And I really really want to do this. Help me God. Amin.
Yeah typing my prayer in an entry.
I really need to guide myself back on His path.
Did you know that the translation of the prayer you say before eating, actually includes the word "save me from the torture of hellfire"?