Today; 1st July is My Kakngah's Birthday

1st july 2004 was my 24th bday.. i was carrying Aisya inside me at 6.5mths.. it wasn't really a happy day, but i pretend to be cheerful..

that morning, since it was my birthday, i wanted to cook bubur kacang, as i never did that before. i asked mak to tell me the steps. while i was cooking, i saw mak wasn't looking usual. she was not as cheerful as the previous days.

i finished cooking my 1st bubur kacang ever. but i didn't taste it. i went back to be with mak. she was on steroid for 5 days already. but that morning, steroid wasn't working for her anymore. she started to frown, fighting back her headache.

i feed mak with nasi tumpang, a special breakfast you can find in Kelantan. she ate little. i knew she was not feeling well. she said she wanted to lie down. i was with her all the time.

during lunch, mak doesn't have the appetite to eat anything, eventhough she asked for ikan geli goreng cili. while we were having lunch. i heard mak vomitted. i ran to her and helped her. i started to cry but tried not to let her see me. i knew she was suffering from her headache. i asked her to eat something and she agreed. i fed her biskut cream krakers and nescafe O. that's all she could afford.

since streroid could not held anymore, i went to the hospital to ask for another meds. mak's doctor gave us morphin, much stronger drugs. she had it but her body could not tolerate. she vomitted again and again. when i was doing my Asar, i cried endlessly. my telekung was soaked. but i never showed my sad feeling to her. i dont want her to feel worse.

after isyak, she told me she couldn't hold the pain anymore. she wanted to go to the hospital so that doctor could do something. i couldn't hold my tears anymore. we called the ambulance and off she went to the hospital. she was admitted.

4th of July, at 4am, she passed away in her sleep. Allah loves her more. we can accept the fact. we are destined to have a very lovely, caring, superb mum, but just for a while.. we are still grateful, aren't we? because we still cherish our mum although she was no more with us.. and we will always talk about her, what she loved and what she liked to do..

al-fatihah to mak.. may you rest in peace, may we meet in heaven.. and you know mak, i never tasted my 1st bubur kacang, because it was so tasteless just like my feeling..

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Nota dari facebook beliau. In a sad tone she jotted them down recalling those moments with mom that day. But I believe she is indeed happy right at this very moment and onwards. Enjoying her new age-era ;) Cheers. Selamat Hari Kelahiran ke 30 kakak-ku Juliana MY. Longing to see you and ask for my pressies, haha.

-Adek.