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It's 3:21am. I don't know what I've been doing. I should be sleeping 3hours ago. But well it's heavy heart syndrome again. Thoughts bundled up together, recruiting more to kill me from inside. Voices from within shouting words I couldn't fathom. This pain. I don't know if I can bear it every time it came knocking out of nowhere. I took a sip of plain water I put on the dressing table. It's a habit since little to take a glass of water from the kitchen to bed. I'm trying to put my heart at ease but I feel like crying. I'm scared. I'm scared so bad I got shaky from time to time when I think about this. Why must I face this situation? How am I going to get through this? Old scars remained scars. Lessons learned and habits changed. Getting wiser is an option, a choice. I can choose to be dumb and play dead. I don't want to grow old and be forgotten. Ah, tummy calling for food now. It's time to close my eyes. See how I'm ignoring the situation? I don't even know what my problem is.

Bonne nuit. I shall sleep now.

100513 - 03:33