I wrote this as a response to Magenta's post.
"Mak meninggal dunia 2004. That year, I died. Bernafas balik 2008. Sedar-sedar dah ketinggalan banyak benda. Mati ni dekat kan. Anytime boleh putus nafas, yet we sinned repeatedly.
I wish to die by illness. I want to be able to feel pain. Time to repent if I haven't. Spend some more with loved ones, or make loved ones spend some more with me. I want to feel the love once and for all before I die. I want to be able to reminisce all of the beautiful things before I close my eyes, perhaps I'll be scared yet relieved thinking I'll be seeing Mak again.
Tapi sekarang ni, banyak benda nak kejar sampai tak cukup tangan :') I just don't want to die out of a sudden like in a crash or disasters. That would be sad. There are those who need to know how much I love them. Or this particular one I put close in my heart to make sure I breathe."
And yesterday we drove back to KL after Raya break. I mean, I was just the co-driver. Talked, talked and just do the talking and making sure the driver didn't fall asleep. Though I must have bored him as well.
Talked about cars, house, life plan, financial status, how to manage life, and well, death. These days I noticed I don't drive crazily anymore too. The max I go is 120-130km/hour when in a rush or the road is empty and I just want the adrenaline rush. My average is 80km/hour. I only overtake when the car in front drive slower than 60km/hour. The thing is, aging makes you appreciate this one life of yours more. Whatever you do. Since driving is something dangerous we do occasionally, we do need to be extra cautious at that.
It is sad to see car accidents almost every day during Ramadhan on my way to and back from work. Sadden me more to see the news at prime time reporting death of school students, families and so many people even during Syawal. It is scary. My condolences to those affected. May those unfortunate lives rest in peace.
Like I said, I don't want to die yet.