Macam-macam dah tempuh. Why not for another 26years at least if God wills me to live that long. Or longer. Or lesser. Whatever whenever it will be, I want to live awesomely.
Esok lusa boleh mati kan, we never know.
I have been very troubled these past few months and fighting to cure myself to be at ease. Moga dengan apa kuat yang tinggal, dengan apa sisa yang berbaki masih lagi aku mampu untuk mula bertatih kembali. I'm tired of my numbness. I don't want to be a burden to anyone especilly Ayah, and Umi too actually. I wish they knew. I want to be able to help my siblings when they need me. I want to work hard, pray harder, be a good daughter, a sister, a friend and a good servant to Allah the Almighty.
I don't want people to pity me. I want to be the one who pitied people and be able to help them get through tough situations. I want to be more human than I am today everyday. I want to wake up everyday and don't need to search and think hard for reasons to stay alive. I want that reasons to build inside me well without actually forcing them.
I don't want to live normal. I want to be amazing. In order to be what I want, lets do the things I need to do first. I need a job to kill me. I need a job to build my dreams. I don't want to work but I need a job. Let's go find one. Because I need to stay alive and living well in order to get what I want.
Ada kawan tambah pesankan, aku yang kena selalu pegang Tuhan, bukan cuma sebaliknya. Tapi situasi setiap dari kita kan, ujianNya beda. Mungkin aku dah cuba pegang kuat, tapi licin tergelincir jugak. Jadi doa aku supaya Tuhan tak lepaskan aku pergi hanyut seorang diri.
Kalau Tuhan pun percaya pada aku, siapa aku untuk tak percaya pada diri?
Well I can also say it as pinky promise. Pink has always been related with health too (dentist described your gums and teeth condition as pink if it is in good condition).
Coming back to some senses, I am driving myself nuts by adding my weight more and more and by being fat. I rarely call myself fat but this time I'm agreeing to it for the first time. Hahaha.
Already cross over the weight limit I always carry in my thoughts thus here I am trying and making a whole new experience by doing some weight lifting (well only the dumbell of course) and other exercises as routines. I go to sleep at night having tight muscles only to wake up the next morning praying not to strain them.
I also am adding more veggiesand fruits to my already lots of veggies and fruits meals everyday. I cut on my carbs intake of daily rice portions to something else. Well, I can say I am in control when I eat alone.
But all these get tougher when your father take you to dinner and blablabla. Of course you get to eat tasty and delicious (fatty) food too from time to time. It's called a time break. A recess. Haha.
Pardon my rusty language. I just need to start reading and writing again. I figure out that if I don't jot things down, I get pretty messy and just get lazier.
Get up and stay strong Anna!
Any of you now making exercises a habit? Tell me your beauty secrets please pretty handsome please. Haha. Let's all be beautiful and indulge in oneself more.
I want to believe I have passed my depression. Well, hopefully it is true. Keep to the point of this post.
Kat Pengkalan Chepa ni. Harap rumah tak naik air. Never had the experience thus we are still unprepared. Condolences to those affected. My aunt's house not more than 2km from here memang semua dah menetap di tingkat 2. Kalau rumah saya kena, saya tak ada tingkat 2 :(
Keep praying. As much as I want to get mad and point my fingers to whom I believe need to be more responsible to the matter, I blame myself more for being lazy. For not being able to do a thing, for being helpless.
Ni kalau banjir air masuk rumah ni memang menangis kalau tak dapat selamatkan segala buku yang ada. And other 'few' possessions of mine. Few lah sangat. Ya, banyak betul barang saya. I must be a hoarder.
Everyone, please stay safe. Moga yang perlu diselamatkan berjaya diselamatkan dengan selamat. Thank you to those helping. Memang kerahan tenaga bantuan dah banyak. Cuma bencana agak besar jadi mungkin ia tak mencukupi at this rate. Mungkin mangsa cuma mahu lebih banyak yang peduli.
Contohnya saya. Saya perlu lebih ramai yang peduli. Sebab media tak keluar liputan sangat macam hourly update, I don't even know what's going on anymore. Pahang, Terengganu, Kedah semua banjir. Except the updates on whatsapp and facebooks from friends and families.