Sem depan kerja mengorat anak-anak pakhaji akan dilaksanakan dalam sesi 4bulan praktikal.
Hoi hoya hoi!
Yang peliknya macam hidu dadah pun ada bila berbaring sambil pegang nota ni. Asal kau jeling sekilas je lelap balik. Di awang-awangan gitu!
Dos kafein aku? Toksah nak cakap lah dalam 2-3minggu ni. Cumanya aku lebihkan memilih yang kosong. Penat dan muak tak berapa nak serasi dengan susu. Gaster boleh membuatkan aku vomit tak tentu hala nanti. Bukan buat minum untuk tak bagi tidur pun. Lebih kepada nak test rasa kat lidah.
Harapnya paper pertama yang tak tahu markah terkumpul untuk assignment tu lulus lah. Yang tu lulus, bulan 5 tahun depan boleh fikir nak reka bina kubah masjid dah.
Khamis presentation final year project.
Jumaat exhibition final year project.
Sabtu petang paper akhir pengurusan kualiti.
Pukul 6pm 26hb November 2011 ni,
aku nak tunjuk wajah riak paling rare kat semua orang.
The finale of the final
Sebuah kuntuman senyum tanda berpuas hati yang akan menyinggah di wajahmu ayah, terlalu bermakna untuk aku gambarkan perasaan girang tak terkira dalam hati sendiri. Cukup.
Huru-hara, tamatlah kamu cepat. Aku perlukan gulungan ijazah itu tahun hadapan. Sangat.
Selamatlah segalanya moga.
The waiting
Something has been bothering me, forcing myself to sleep a lot. I do successfully fell asleep for a few hours and now, here I am trying to tell you things I don't quite understand at 451am. Really, I don't. Even the dreams I have just now troubled me.
My heart was restless. Now the mind is occupied with unnecessary things. Really, it bothers a lot.
Pasca daging dan tapai
Minggu bercuti di rumah untuk Aidiladha haritu buat aku bimbang tentang kesihatan sendiri. Hari-hari setiap malam aku kena minor-heart-attack (sakit bahagian kiri dada ke atas). Jantung sebelah kiri kan? Berlanjutan untuk beberapa hari. Sampai aku risau nak pergi hospital buat blood donation.
Tak pepasal kena tahan wad, naya.
Dah lama aku tak bertemu pagi macam hari ni. Bertemu Subuh dengan manja. Bangun sendiri, jalan sendiri ke bilik air, wuduk sendiri dengan perasaan segar butir mata. Kesnya sakit perut.
Apa aku salah makan ni?
Aku nak take a little nap. Nanti bangun nak test drive bekmen yang baru keluar bengkel, lagi sekali. Penat aku nak cerita panjang.
Self satisfaction
A good book, is a good company. I could get orgasme anytime I want.
No, I'm not talking porn here.
I mean it as a book. A book. A good book gives you a good read, a good understanding; a good feeling.
It's the power of your own imagination. You, and the world in your mind.
I miss my old-bookworm-calling-days. I have all the time in the world to read during those days.
Inarticulate
How to put things into words- when all you're capable of, is only to mumble and hum silently inside. Rumbling and swallowing back my own words, clearing throat ain't that easy anymore. Witnessing the sun goes up in the morning, and go down at dusk. In the latter part of the day, the silent creeps and rustles slowly under the bedsheet, the wall making some creaking noise, the open window giving sights of the moon, the stars and cloudy sky; before I start realizing the factualness of my loneliness is only taking over a small part of the solitary system.
I wonder. Why the memory remains and existence of childhood. Then why to grow old. Why do we need partners, counter-partners. Why clockwise and anti-clockwise. Why not just be wise or be dumb. Why must be both. Why the hell am I writing and jotting this down.
The misanthropic life ahead starts the speech by telling small jokes here and there. Just in case the history gets alive again and it needs to get along fine with me. Else, everyone dies. I talk nonsense. So, what? We all gonna die- alone.
This time- God please, let me get what I want.
Let's go to bed
Alunan melodi yang bermain-main di sisi telinga kanan dan kiri sedikit menjamah hati aku kali ini. It's been a while since, untuk punya waktu diam begini cuma meladeni hati yang menyesah berat. I have been sleeping on the bed for more than a few hours. It's been a while since I cherish myself and enjoy the miraculous feeling of sleeping without a stop sign. Sebenarnya boleh mewujudkan rasa muak, tapi kau akan paksa juga diri untuk tidur dan tidur walaupun beberapa kali terjaga bangun. Getting up to take a bath and grab some food nearly midnight, it feels good. As if you got nothing to worry about. Termasuklah aturan pemakanan sihat yang sedikit mencerun tunggang-langgang. Heh. I guess the more you aged, the heavier the burden. Atau mungkin sebenarnya itu cumalah frasa-frasa lemah yang digunapakai untuk menyedapkan diri sendiri. Just to reassure yourself that it's okey to feel heavy and triple lazy because problems will always occur in years ahead- that it is normal to be mundane and just be where you are right now. I have been trying real hard to manage a few things ahead my way. Not getting influenced by criteria people getting used to. I hope it turns out good. You know, the culture that has been injected into our society actually kills. Though silent and slow, it still does kill.
Beware. It's gonna kill you, and me too.
(27th October 2011-28th October 2011)
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