In the mean time

1.There's a lot of thinking going on. I am not in my super health condition. Nothing serious (I believe). Recovering already from the sore throat. Body felt better too. More on needing rest.

2. I don't want to have too many interaction with other beings anymore. But at the same time, there is a demand for me to contribute to the universe and humanity. This is just me trying to add worth to myself.

3. I hate asking people for opinions. However, there's always a space to learn and you learn faster from a group of brains. So that's a good reason to discuss on things.

4. There's a lot of thinking going on. Do I just move along or should I stay in the loop? I don't even know what's worse anymore. Both ways will cause pain to my heart. Unless there's a definite goal being set. Something to hold on to.

5. I am stuck and drowning. And I don't want help. I want to sleep whole day, every day just to curse about the heaviness. I just want to embrace this mundaneness. I mean at least for now. I perfectly understand that I should not be a burden to others. Just for a while. Let me drown.

6. I was rarely direct with my feelings. But I have been very direct with this someone. However I may only bring more baggages to the person's already complicated situation. It's making me sad to have thoughts thinking if I should just be a temporary stop.

7. I want to have coffee so bad but my anxiety is killing me. Now I have tea and just swallow the bitterness of my life with it. It kinda works too. Let's see how long can this be maintained. I'm guessing three days max. Or maybe just one.

8. I am not okay. I want to be okay to be able to support myself again. I want to be okay to be able to support and lift others around me again. But my wanting is not strong enough. Life beats me harder than that.

9. I miss home. Now I don't have one to myself.

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