I haven't write in a while

My feelings are hard to describe. I can only say that I'm trying as much to just stay alive, be available to just anyone who needed me. Who reached to me. 

I don't know whether I can say I am at the lowest point of my life. A part of me wish this is supposed to be my lowest point. So that in the future I won't be having similar heaviness like this. 

My heart is currently numb. I wish I could just bleed and cry but I did not. It scares me to death. I wish I can feel the pain and just cry out loud.

Guess more entries are coming. I need to crawl out of this zone and do better. Feeling left out all over again.

Being 27 years old, issues that still bother me are:
1. Demand and expectations.
2. Efforts and frustration.
3. Willingness and responsibilities.

Sometimes I do really wonder why God created us with so many diversities. So many traits. It's so hard to understand even a person. I could even get lost trying to swim in my own thoughts. 

I wish I am less sensitive and less defensive too. I tend to blurted words like a river in texts and even on Twitter when my head feel like exploding. Not a good act really. I wish I am not the reason for you to feel stressful. I wish I can be kind to everyone. Fulfill everybody's expectations and demand. If only others take same kind of responsibilities and be willing to do the same. Lacking in efforts to some people or even me will only build up the frustration even more. From me to you. From you to me. 

If only being transparent mean world peace. Forgive me for being like this these days. I have my reasoning too. I'm trying to protect my conscience. I don't want to lose myself.

It's 0444, time to sleep. Long day tomorrow I'm driving to Temerloh for kambing and ikan patin at a friend's kenduri.


Anonymous said...

Perasaan kita sekarang ni sama. I feel you.

Pisey said...

It's heavy.

pie said...

Terima kasih untuk tulisan ini :) Fiqah really adore tulisan pisey. Moga Tuhan rahmati jiwa dengan ketenangan.

Pisey said...

And I thanked you too. For reminding me to write :)