I nearly died because this could only happen in dreams

I spent the weekend at a friend's house. We used to be roommate during our foundation year of 2007/2008. It's remarkably funny that she had to come and work in Manchester for 2 months and reached here a week before I did.

So cut to the point, yesterday she was invited by her office mate, Chris for his family's weekend lunch, so she asked him whether she can bring two friends along and he said yes. They were all very nice people and there were pretty daughters and great grandma and grandpa and well, the barking dog.

I was so dumbstruck that I get to sit at the back of an A5 convertible Audi when Chris came to fetch us from the train station at Crewe. And the house were huge. Ha, imagine one you see in the English movies with the back yard, and the garden yard and the more than five cars thing. And Chris let us have a look at a picture of a house of his relative, which could be called as a castle.

Do you watch Downtown Abbey or had came across the ad before? Yes, that building.

We ate berries and berries and berries from the trees and I could see apples and sweet chestnut and pears and the flowers and the wisteria trees (just like the name of the lane in Desperate Housewives) and the pond and ahh I cannot describe all in one.

The day before I discovered books and books and books that were listed in my to-read lists on the shelves of the same friend's apartment. They belonged to the owner, who is a 27 years old lady. She is an artist. I mean as artist, artist. Not the celebrity artist.

And this morning I went through the CD collections and well you can imagine me started putting each CD I found in the player. The Beatles, Weezer, Smashing Pumpkins, The Smiths, Bob Dylan, Arcade Fire, Joni Mitchell, Pixies, Interpol, Beck, Nirvana, Elvis Presley, Billie Holiday and I'm too lazy to type them all.

Mm, the conclusion is, it was a blast yesterday at Crewe because the dessert were superbly delicious I nearly cried eating the lemon meringue, strawberry and creme, and vanilla ice cream and apple and blackberry pie grandma made. The second one is, I wish I rented this apartment instead of the house and room I had now. Because it's in the city and I could save on bus pass by walking to school and the house is so warm since the price I have to pay is quite the same and this one got all these books and CDs and, and, never mind.

Grr.

Oh hampir terlupa

Semalam aku mimpi macam-macam.

Semalam aku mimpi ada mak. Mak kurus betul. Aku hampir tak cam. Aku cuma ingat seimbas yang mak duduk di bangku hujung dan aku meluru ke dia.

Perasaan waktu tu lembut. Aku rindu mak.

Blog ni macam rumah

Sama ada ia akan jadi sebuah rumah yang aku akan selalu pulang atau tak, bukan ukuran. 

Dah lebih seminggu aku di Manchester, United Kingdom. Aku sedang bergerak pada kadar perlahan masih.

Perasaan paling melekat selesa cuma pada katil dan duvet warna merah jambu yang nyaman. Dalam minggu ni, dah rasa ikatan yang baik pada dua benda ni. Bila bangun pagi rasa macam baru nak keluar dari selimut di rumah Kelantan. Kira dah padu lah tu.

Tapi setiap kali nak buang air kecil atau besar memang sejuk betul tempat duduk tu. Lepastu macam nak bergaduh bila pasang shower yang kejap panas amat dan kejap sejuk beku.

Not homey yet.

--

Few good people.

We just need a bunch of few good people to go on.

Let me be one of your very few good people who stay. And never left.

Blip

'Faster we move,

slower we die'

A favourite quote of a friend I look up to whenever I got messy.

Just what I need at the moment.

Let's hustle shall we? I don't wanna die yet.

Konversasi

Perbualan dalam kereta dengan anak saudara umur 9tahun.

Aku: Aisya, I'm going in a few days.
Aisya: *listening*

Aku: I'm feeling sad and excited at the same time. *sighing*

Aisya: So, what? Are you nervous?

Aku: Hahaha!

'Sad and excited' can also be labeled as 'nervous'. 

Okay, noted.

..

'Dear God, would you hold me closer?'

Don't lose me yet.

Unsettled business

Setiap kali bertemu wajah dengan kawan-kawan mak, aku jadi panik sikit. Risau untuk penampilan serta gerak-geri aku dibaca dan aku tak memenuhi etika sebagai seorang anak mak.

Mak adalah roh dan jasad yang sempurna ketika hidupnya.

One of her bestie datang rumah beraya tengah hari kelmarin bawa anak-anak dan cucu-cucu. Jumpa once in a while tapi setiap kalinya macam baru jumpa je. Konversasi tak pernah kekok.

Lepas makan-makan, kami bersembang kat ruang tengah. She was talking to me and brother. Talking about cakes and childhood memories. Out of a sudden, she broke into tears. She hold my hand so I hold her back and leaned closer.

"I tak boleh sebenarnya. Tengok you guys semua macam ni."

"Aunty sedih. Dah lama I tahan ni. I have an unfinished business with her. Your mom. We made plans. Lots of them. We were planning to do a lot of things together. I cakap dengan dia pasal pencen, travel and stuff. I sedih sangat."

"A week before she went, we had lunch together. Masa tu kat KL. A day later I had to attend this meeting. Bila I balik, I switch on my phone I dapat banyak mesej from aunty c and missed calls. Turn out that same time I baru touchdown, your mom dah masuk boarding untuk balik KB. Dulu kan airport tempat sama je biasa. And that's it."

"I regretted not following her back. Few days later, the friends were updating that your mom dah lemah kat hospital. And then that 4th July, at 5am your sister texted me the news."

She continued crying and sobbing and covered her face with the pillow a few times. And then later someone passed by us and the topic was closed. She's back looking tough and strong.

Sebelum bersurai, aunty bebel kat aku cakap kenapa tak datang rumah selalu untuk nasi dan budu masa kat Bangi. Sekali je kita jumpa, katanya. Aku senyum je.

Kalau boleh aku nak je cakap kat aunty tadi, the same reason aunty rasa sebak bila tengok kami anak-anak dan jadi teringat kat arwah, sebab yang sama juga lah yang buat saya mengelak untuk pergi melepak rumah aunty selalu tahun-tahun sudah. Pertemuan satu malam tu dah cukup untuk aku simpan dalam kotak memori yang takkan luput.

I saw her in you. All the time, aunty. All the time.

So yes aunty, I'm sorry it hurts for you too.

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