Happy Birthday to Me :)

Officially 26 on 22nd.

Macam-macam dah tempuh. Why not for another 26 years at least if God wills me to live that long. Or longer. Or lesser. Whatever whenever it will be, I want to live awesomely.

Esok lusa boleh mati kan, we never know. 

I have been very troubled these past few months and fighting to cure myself to be at ease. Moga dengan apa kuat yang tinggal, dengan apa sisa yang berbaki masih lagi aku mampu untuk mula bertatih kembali. I'm tired of my numbness. I don't want to be a burden to anyone especilly Ayah, and Umi too actually. I wish they knew. I want to be able to help my siblings when they need me. I want to work hard, pray harder, be a good child, a great youngest one, a very dear friend to everybody I met and a faithful servant to Allah the Almighty.

I don't want people to pity me. I want to be the one who pitied people and be able to help them get through tough situations. I want to be more human than I am today everyday. I want to wake up everyday and don't need to search and think hard for reasons to stay alive. I want that reasons to build inside me well without actually forcing them.

I don't want to live normal. I want to be amazing. In order to be what I want, lets do the things I need to do first. I need a job to kill me. I need a job to build my dreams. I don't want to work but I need a job. Let's go find one. Because I need to stay alive and living well in order to get what I want.

Hello 26! Please be good to yourself.

Regards,

Me.

Changes

Setiap kali memasuki fasa kehidupan yang baru, ataupun mengakhiri suatu fasa yang menyenangkan, aku akan berada dalam keadaan yang teruk. 

Dalam tempoh seperti ini, kekuatan aku tiada. Lemah dan cuma tahu menjalani hari-hari dengan kekosongan. 

The real reason behind this is because I am afraid. I'm afraid to lose things I hold so dear. I'm afraid of the unknowns. I'm afraid to fail.

I was so scared to death this past few months. Finishing my study and not knowing where to go. Lots have been going on my mind and I cannot focus at all. 

Everybody else is fighting their own battles. And I should fight mine. But there were always buts everywhere.

And sometimes when we asked for perfection and hoping too much for the best to happen and it doesn't, it kills. It hurts. You waited and prayed longer but it stays that way.

I still want to reach for the stars. Bismillah.

Pegang aku, Tuhan

Aku selalu cakap "Pegang aku, Tuhan."

Ada kawan tambah pesankan, aku yang kena selalu pegang Tuhan, bukan cuma sebaliknya. Tapi situasi setiap dari kita kan, ujianNya beda. Mungkin aku dah cuba pegang kuat, tapi licin tergelincir jugak. Jadi doa aku supaya Tuhan tak lepaskan aku pergi hanyut seorang diri.

Kalau Tuhan pun percaya pada aku, siapa aku untuk tak percaya pada diri?

Malunya.

Jadi bila cerita dan derita setiap kita tidak sama

Understanding and tolerance;

kedua-duanya bukan bicara yang mudah.

Apatah lagi untuk laksana lakukan.